Robert Louis Stevenson's Prayer

Lord, behold our family here assembled. We thank Thee for this place in which we dwell; for the love that unites us; for the peace accorded us this day; for the hope with which we expect the morrow; for the health, the work, the food, and the bright skies, that make our lives delightful; for our friends in all parts of the earth. Let peace abound in our small company. Purge out of every heart the lurking grudge. Give us grace and strength to forbear and to persevere. Offenders, give us the grace to accept and forgive offenders. Forgetful ourselves, help us to bear cheerfully the forgetfulness of others.

Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind. Spare to us our friends, soften us to our enemies. Bless us, if it may be, in all our innocent endeavors. If it may not, give us strength to encounter that which is to come, that we may be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temperate in wrath, and in all changes of fortune, and to the gates of death, loyal and loving to one to another. As the clay to the potter, as the windmill to the wind, as the children of their sire, we beseech Thee this help and mercy of Christ's sake.

Amen.

Organic Girl

I know we can't buy all organic all of the time, but these are the foods that contain the highest pestiside residue:

apples
cherries
imported grapes
nectarines
peaches
pears
red raspberries
strawberries
bell peppers
carrots
celery
green beans
potatoes
spinach
hot peppers

Rules of Life

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost
   instantly removed.


2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.


3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.


4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.


5. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.


6. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
   You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Phrases I hate.

Net-net.
Reach out.
"Thru" instead of "through"

What a way to start the day!

Click here.

Try this at home.

• open your right hand as if you are preparing to "high five" someone
  
• extend your right arm to the side of your body with you palm facing in front of you
  
• bend your right arm at the elbowhand like you're preparing to say the pledge of allegiance
  
• close your right thumb, ring finger and pinkie into a ball to form a "peace" sign
  
• swing out your right elbow in front of and perpendicular to your so your "peace" sign is facing left
  
• slowly turn the palm of your right hand toward your body as if you're giving the "peace" sign to yourself
  
• slowly cock your wrist forward so the back of your hand is parallel to the floor
  
• swiftly move your hand toward your face
  

The object of my desire:

Must.
Have.
It.

What would Scooba do?

I just got Scooba, the robot that mops your floors. I was inspired by a work friend who got Roomba for Christmas--at first I was skeptical, until he brought it in to vacuum his office. O. My. God! The lazy technophile inside me DEMANDED a Roomba. Until I heard about Scooba.

My condo is all hard flooring. You remember last fall when I spent two months installing laminate flooring and vinyl tile and all my other DIY adventures? Well I love my floors, especially when they are clean and shiny and uncluttered. However, I am not a very good housekeeper. This is not something I'm going to try to change about myself, it's just something I've accepted. Sure, as I have more responsibilites, I generally find myself keeping a higher standard of cleanliness around me, but cleaning just doesn't come naturally to me.

So I have a theory about Scooba. I think Scooba will make me keep my house clean.

First, Scooba is soooo cute. It's a little round disk about the size of a medium pizza...if the pizza were four inches and had wheels. It's easy to anthropomorphize Scooba, since it moves on its own. Or, not anthropomorphize, because it's not like you think Scooba's human, but it's easy to think it's animate. Like maybe like a mopping dog.

Anyway, to continue with my theory...in order to use Scooba, you've got to pick up everything off the floor. Well, when you pick something up, you have two choices about where to put it down: put it somewhere else, or put it away. So my theory is that when I let Scooba out, I will first put away anything that has crept out of place. And part two of my theory is that I will like my clean floors so much that I will do this often.

Scooba did the whole house this morning, and it looks awesome. Now I have to go fold laundry and put the dishes away.

Thought for the day:

Smart but misunderstanded.

Thought for the day:

There's no need to get all itallicky about it.

Thought for the day:

Type A cares about Every. Little. Thing.

Type B will have another margarita.

For those of us who are going to die alone, surrounded by cats.

Feline Haikus

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.
----
So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle is closer.
----
There's no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don't tell you where.
----
Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.
----
Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.
----
Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.
----
Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.
----
The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.
----
My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?
----
Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.
----
My affection is
conditional. Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.
----
I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.
----
So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier"? I call
These my "blades of death."
----
Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.

Train wreck?

 


It looks tragic, but looks can be deceiving. My friend Misty's AmeriCorps group got to take a first responder course--and apparently, they practiced on each other.